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Capacity For Living

by A Pregnant Light

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1.
Beast About 03:12
Are you tired of wandering Aren’t you sick of wondering If the stretched out stones Along the road lead to homes Or graves or nowhere at all Let’s go riding Lets get higher Tie one on and burn a tire Drag you back to wake me up And stand around the beat up gas pump I’m gonna beast about And shuffle all my feathers Crack this skull like dried out leather I’m gonna beast about I’m gonna feel you out Right and rosy Dead in your mouth What a world in which we live Where time rolls by as do our sins If I was alive enough to see your face You’d be awake enough to scream and run (and I’ll only tell you one time) Life is running on me The needle dancing on E I don’t want to be the one to tell the other one Found the broken glass on the rainy street I don’t want to be the one to take that phone call Rise and shine my love The sun’s retired for us It’s light enough under this pale blue new moon Life is running on me Death is over my knee Can we make it feel the way we did when we were young and free I’m going to beast about ’Til I’m exhausted thoroughly Turn your hands Palm up 
Face down Eyes up
2.
Used to bag up the work now I’m bagging up the lavender Under my feet the cold crunch of November Dried out leaves on a red brick street Before I came I said I wasn’t here for anything Head on hell-on hello I’m gone Pour another it’s enough for You and I on demon time Devil-may-care I still believe Fastened to the thing of which we swore we’d never speak All I can think about is when I’m gonna die Every second ticking out the corner of my eye Singing every song I thought I’d lost to old age Brown Bambi eyes and a tiny ribcage A single gold hand fingers pointing down Motioning me to the holy ground Pleasure and virtue Pleased to meet you Feathery Emphatically Stole a smile right out of me What would you wear to my funeral What kind of things would your body do Would you let out the tears Or would you hold them inside Is that the lipstick on the glass I pointed out to you that night Daintily Silently Slide across the snow I want to keep you warm I know you always get so cold And though you shineth like moon On a night sky’s sheets Fluorescent in the dark Swallow my tongue and then repeat If I could help it I would help myself Littering glitter on either side of my mouth If I could help you I would give myself But you kissing my forehead in the shape of a crown Was it everything that you wanted see Did it keep you awake as it surely did me Did I drive too slow before I started to speed For a jar of your blood I’d bring a man to his knees Used to bag up the work now I’m bagging up the lavender I used to dream about that exact shade of green Swallowing your emeralds Listen to me breathe Feeling gold backs on the back of my teeth Used to bag up the work Now I’m back for more chains More power more glory So precious your pain I used to close my eyes to try and help me see Now I’m wide awake at midnight In the emerald’s reach
3.
Too Pure 04:50
Mess around feel around Run aground on your own Trip the wire Drag the line Let it into your home Tend the fire Feed the liar Send the troops To the roof Let em loose Like the truth When you’re naked outside If you wanna be a fighter Gotta train like a dog If you wanna be a dog You gotta bark you gotta crawl If you wanna live forever All you gotta do is sing If you wanna sing a song You’d better sing it just for me If you say that you’re an angel You had better flash your wings Gonna be around tomorrow We’ll have to wait around and see If you want to know your place Check the ground beneath your feet Does it shake Does it tremble Is there a problem I can’t see Watch for everything Wishful referencing Pocket-sized comb for a globe-sized grief Watch for anything 
Moving along the trees We need a quiet thief Follow me Follow me Pulse is unchanged Nearly every day Recording every step In my fading memory Horses don’t stop they keep goin’ You can lose your life But it’s gonna keep goin’ Heart is getting weaker Nearly every day Accidentally deleting The things I’m trying to keep Baby, horses don’t stop they keep goin’ I’m gonna lose my life But I’m gonna keep goin’ Driven by the steam Of a virtuous mood I release all my energies Out into the world From my mouth to your ear To your fingertips and back to here Everybody knows what I mean when I wink
4.
The Master 03:40
So we lit lamps A dancing masquerade The superior light For flakes of falling wet snow On our faces and in our hair The coldest story ever told The warmest smile you ever wore It’s not love unless you choke On every word I ever spoke Reach out your arms and let it bend Around the headrest and then Let it land atop my attic Full of pomade and prayers Eccentric as I am Unconsciously aware Like a Lord I will watch from above My capacity for living Counting flowers on the rug Let me cultivate an itch Strip the walls and paint your face A torment we both despise You dropped your hands I dropped my eyes I was never truly meant for this What a wretched busyness I’d rather die a hundred times Add eight more (to no surprise!) Janus, hold the gate I do not trust his double face Never took you for a coward 
Always read you as slave I left civilization For barbarism I took the key from his right hand And put it in my teeth and felt around In the dark for the door Until I felt the frame enter my hand Hot from the heat of what lay behind Like a Lord I will watch from above My capacity for living Counting flowers on the rug Let me cultivate an itch Strip the walls and paint your face A torment we both despise You dropped your hands I dropped my eyes I was never truly meant for this What a wretched busyness I’d rather die a hundred times Add eight more (to no surprise!) Janus, hold the gate I do not trust his double face Never took you for a coward 
Always read you as slave
5.
Germanicus 04:19
Wickedness can do so well Full of hope and heart in swell I know everything about you Promised that I’d never tell Righteousness beside the well Cast her down into the swell I know about your secret place I’ve seen the fields turn into hell Meaningless! Meaningless! All your words are treasonous! Ride inside the storm dare I? Break a man for less than this Meaningless! Meaningless! Ever seen me get as mean as this? Just get dressed Just get dressed Hide before I change my mind Ten to one I tore them down Overthrown in blood and bone Ten to one I make you mine Over time you’ll change your mind I got this You hold this Give me one more gentle kiss What I mean is this: You’re meaningless You are my Caligula I’m never getting rid of ya
6.
Jinx! 04:26
Made myself and made somebody Made myself into a mountainous view Snow-capped and held back By the morning haze and last night's flames Made myself and made you too I can tape your mouth And tap my fingers on the top of your neck To the nape of your neck Trying to remember why I wished this in the first place Dance like cinnamon in the wind Shine like cellophane in the light Held up to the windowpane drawing in tight Until I cannot see And you cannot breathe The room flooded white, yellow, And a fetching shade of pale pink Like a shell on a white sand beach Or blood on your teeth We think the same things at the same time There was no echo in the room it was said in unison We think the same things at the same time Jinx! And now you owe me a Coke And you have to stay quiet 'til my debt is satisfied Yeah I loved her, but not enough to change my number Cat's Cradle I'm unable to see this night to its logical end Dressed for fire Pulled in a circle Hands held, impenetrable Dance like cinnamon on a flame Shine like cellophane around a body What's inside a girl? Please love, do tell me If you cannot speak Is it my curse Or the jinx? You owe me a little more than I think you think We think the same things at the same time There was no echo in the room it was said in unison We think the same things at the same time Jinx! And now you owe me a Coke And you have to stay quiet 'til my debt is satisfied Yeah I loved her, but not enough to change my number
7.
The Master 04:08
So we lit lamps A dancing masquerade The superior light For flakes of falling wet snow On our faces and in our hair The coldest story ever told The warmest smile you ever wore It’s not love unless you choke On every word I ever spoke Reach out your arms and let it bend Around the headrest and then Let it land atop my attic Full of pomade and prayers Eccentric as I am Unconsciously aware Like a Lord I will watch from above My capacity for living Counting flowers on the rug Let me cultivate an itch Strip the walls and paint your face A torment we both despise You dropped your hands I dropped my eyes I was never truly meant for this What a wretched busyness I’d rather die a hundred times Add eight more (to no surprise!) Janus, hold the gate I do not trust his double face Never took you for a coward 
Always read you as slave I left civilization For barbarism I took the key from his right hand And put it in my teeth and felt around In the dark for the door Until I felt the frame enter my hand Hot from the heat of what lay behind Like a Lord I will watch from above My capacity for living Counting flowers on the rug Let me cultivate an itch Strip the walls and paint your face A torment we both despise You dropped your hands I dropped my eyes I was never truly meant for this What a wretched busyness I’d rather die a hundred times Add eight more (to no surprise!) Janus, hold the gate I do not trust his double face Never took you for a coward 
Always read you as slave
8.
Hysterectomy 03:19
Thou cannot covet What thou cannot catch Not the least of which Is beyond thine grasp To the willow’d cover In the shade below Ten times the effort For half the show WAIT! Dry the paint before you bring it inside HEY! Let me see what all the fuss is about FATE! I could test it half a million times SAME! Just as it was and as it has been Don’t spare me Share a pillow with me a “refrain” means something else Unless you want to sing On the contrary Mark this down as an unrelated corollary He’s directing me He’s directing me Make your move Old spirits that hustle me He’d directing me She’s reflecting me Mirror mirror on the wall Count me down to zero now Right to heaven Right to me Write out the name If you truly believe Pleased to meet thee Please receive me Feast on the clipped wings Priest of dreaming
9.
Purple Lips 04:17
He reminds me of a laughter That has left me going down And my heart is falling silently Into the driving evening sound Sometimes we must keep from bringing Certain thoughts up to the light And a matter of the winning In a case of two words lies I have been looking out for him From over this broken bridge The safest place it seems to be To ever reach his purple lips
10.
She asked me if I’d done this before I didn’t say a word Shifted the truck into 4x4 Closed one eye and followed the fog line Heaven! Heaven! Can I get in? If I do it’s gonna be by the teeth of my skin I need your price of admission Who is the prince of admonishment If I should ne’er return Please settle my accounts If I hold your hand Would you lead me down Shall we walk down the block Fingers interlocked There’s a blade by the bed For suspicious minds I fell asleep on the sectional And dreamt about Mexico Keep your eyes locked into mine Only you know how I feel tonight Threshold Angel Watch me burn Light this match It’ll be alright
11.
The wire cut quick Into the sleeve of my shirt A rag wiped me down But it felt like a nail All the softness and slickness of Chinese silk The mantel had a mouth And it started to speak I locked up my shoulders And backed up the loveseat Decide what to do Or it’s decided for you Dancing alone in the window
12.
When I was a boy I was never afraid I felt the breath of death In every step that I’d take It was the path the glory Bloody and true It was the road that led me right back to you There’s no coming home this time When I was a soldier it was hotter than hell My teeth turned into iron and my heart did as well It was the to path the glory Bloody and true I killed them all and believe that I’ll kill you too There’s no coming home this time Would you rather speak Or would you rather hear Would you rather sleep Until early next year I don’t blame you babe I’m feeling the same way Got me feeling strange Got me feeling strange Would you rather live Under the mouth of gun I’m triggered up and I’m tired I’m getting sick of the sun So let the darkness spill I know you wanted it to I wanna be alone Along the Rubicon

about

From January through December of 2022 A Pregnant Light would release 10 new songs, in two-song single format. Starting naturally on 1/08 with “Beast About” and ending in December with “Threshold Angel.” As I look back at those first few songs, I am intensely proud, but I cannot for the life of me recognize that person. 2022 was a year that started off like any other, and then somehow as the year went on I began to change. Life got strange. Strange isn’t bad, it’s just strange. The plan was to just write and record. That’s always the plan. Just keep working. It is just a document of where I was every couple of months in my life, emotions, body, and work. These songs are a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy if you read through them. It was an enjoyable project to just keep writing and releasing singles, though now I am now shifting my focus to more durational bodies of work. I’m not sure where I fit in this world, and I don’t try to be anywhere or anything. I just do what I do and I am so grateful to anyone who listens.

A music video was shot for “Eating Emeralds,” directed by Thomas D. Rotenberg (metallicimagery.com). Thank you to Tom for his vision and execution and allowing me to fulfill my lifelong dream of being a cult leader.

All ten songs from last year have been remastered and collected here for you, with the addition of two bonus tracks, “In Gaul” and “Don’t Mention It.” Maybe you’ve heard some of these last year, maybe you missed a few. They’re all here for you now, with a fresh coat of paint.

credits

released April 7, 2023

Written, recorded, and produced by Damian Master. Except "Purple Lips," written by Nico, 1981.

Photography - Rin Lapham

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